


It's Gonna Take A Lot [To Drag Me Away From You]

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, First Time, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-09
Updated: 2009-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:02:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Africa had only existed in Jared Padalecki's dreams. Jared is a college student traveling to Zimbabwe with his professor. There he meets Jensen, a member of his host-family. A simple story of love in a complicated time.





	1. The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** This is the first story I ever wrote and posted in fandom, so it will always hold a special place in my heart!

**It's Gonna Take A Lot [To Drag Me Away From You]**

**[Jared/Jensen, R, 20,000 words]**

_Africa had only existed in Jared Padalecki's dreams. This is a simple story of love in a complicated time._ Written for the J2AU Summer Fiction Challenge hosted over on Livejoural. My song was _very obviously_ Africa by Toto.

**May 5, 1998**

**Austin, Texas**

 

In Jared Padalecki's small apartment, things were a mess. A black graduation cap and gown set was thrown haphazardly over a chair while books and notes covered most available surfaces. Posters of landscapes and photographs of two young men were taped to cracked walls, closet doors, and kitchen cabinets.

 

Final exams were nearly over but instead of studying, Jared was glued to his computer, constantly checking and rechecking his email and news feeds. With every glance, he willed his silent phone to ring.

 

_Nothing. Still nothing._

 

Jared knew, despite the lack of complete news in front of him, that something was wrong. J.D. Morgan knew it too but faced the same shortage of information.

 

He refreshed the BBC news page, but the headlines didn't change. "Mugabe Designates Hundreds of Farms for Repossession" he kept reading, though he'd more than memorized the short and sparse article. No new information there. In this case, Jared was pretty sure he knew more background than the journalist who authored the piece.

 

Outside his windows, the graduating senior could hear the jubilant shouts of students finished with exams celebrating the end of their school year. The minds of his fellow seniors would be preoccupied with partying, packing, and figuring out just what their places in the world would be as soon as they left campus.

 

Summer beckoned - an irresistible call.

 

For Jared, however, all he could think about was that half a world away people he cared about could be in danger.

 

And there was nothing he could do but wait for further news that might never come.

 

_Please, let him be all right._

~*~*~*~

 

**The Beginning is the End is the Beginning.**

 

~*~*~*~

**June 12, 1997**

**35,000 ft. above the African Continent**

 

The noise on the plane was deafening, the constant drone of the prop engines and air system coming together so loudly in Jared's head that he was almost unable to think. In the small, coach seat there was no outlet for his nervous energy. He'd already looked out the window dozens of times - land looked the same at 35,000 feet no matter what continent you flew over. He couldn't stand to read, sleep was beyond him, and he couldn't talk to J.D., for whom sleep was not a problem.

 

He pulled out his new portable CD player, a gift from his parents right before his departure, and fit the headphones over his ears. The Smashing Pumpkins only added to the din in his head, but Jared figured that kind of noise was better than the overwhelming beat of the plane.

 

Billy Corgan's voice helped calm Jared enough to think about where he was - where he was going.

 

He still couldn't believe his luck. Granted, J.D. Morgan was his academic advisor and favorite professor at the University of Texas (not to mention his career idol), but he hadn't imagined the kind of opportunity he'd been given at the end of his junior year - the chance to be J.D.'s research assistant for the summer.

 

In Zimbabwe.

 

"Freakin' Zimbabwe!" His friends had shouted drunkenly during his impromptu goodbye party. Apparently doing something for the summer besides taking more classes or going home to work the ever-mundane summer job was a reason to party.

 

Jared Padalecki, who'd previously thought Disneyworld was the ultimate vacation, was going to Africa.

 

Professor Morgan stirred next to him, cracking his spine with a sound that made Jared shudder, as the pilot's heavily accented voice came on the intercom informing them that they were about two hours away from landing in Harare.

 

_Oh God, oh God._

 

Two hours before Jared's summer really began. Two months in Africa, working with his mentor and researching the growing unrest in Zimbabwe for J.D.'s upcoming pieces. Jared had tried to read all of the articles his professor had given him before the trip, giving him a vague idea of exactly what was starting to happen there, but anticipation and preparation prevented him from getting to everything. It wasn't as if he could turn on CNN and see the stories there - Jared had been sure that since it was of interest to J.D. Morgan, he'd be able to find information in mainstream media - but there was hardly a note.

 

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the reclining of the seat ahead - Jared's tall frame scrunched in protest - and he tried to dispense the nervousness that had consumed him.

 

Zimbabwe. A country, according to J.D., on the cusp of all encompassing turmoil. A summer in the African plains.

 

_How the hell did I get here?_

 

The plane shook.

 

_Oh God_.

~*~*~*~

"Huh."

 

Jared huffed as he got his first glimpse of the Harare International Airport.

 

"What's wrong?" J.D. asked as he glanced around for signs - surprisingly most all of them in English - towards their baggage.

 

"Just, I dunno."

 

His professor smiled. "Thought all airports looked the same, huh?"

 

Jared shrugged.

 

"You just wait, Jared," the older man replied as he started following the other disembarking passengers. He gestured around himself. "All of this is tamer than anything you'll see in the next few days. You'll be wishing you were someplace as normal as this."

 

'Normal' was not a word Jared would have used.

 

"I'll be fine," he muttered, slightly affronted that J.D. expected him to freak out fairly soon. His professor laughed and just motioned for Jared to follow. He readjusted his bag on his shoulder, silently thankful that J.D. had been too tired to catalogue his myriad of nervous habits on the plane.

 

Glancing out the terminal's windows, if it could even be called a terminal, Jared stopped for a moment and watched as the sun started to set - turning the sky amber and gold. He couldn't help but think for a moment that he might as well have been home in San Antonio, watching the Texas sunset before heading out to a bar with his friends.

 

But J.D.'s yell across the crowds, and the all the languages being spoken around him which Jared could never expect to identify, brought him back to his senses. Catching up with his professor, Jared shook his head and tried to imagine what Harare would look like outside these walls.

~*~*~*~

**Matabeleland North Province, Central Zimbabwe**

 

Jensen Ackles watched the same sunset as Jared Padalecki.

 

The only difference was the view. In Harare, halfway across the country, Jared would watch the sunset illuminate rickety flea market stalls and concrete city buildings. Here in the Zimbabwean countryside the view was magnificent - reds and golds as far as the eye could see across Jensen's family's farmland. Most of the farm's buildings and his family's house were behind him, leaving nothing to obstruct his vista.

 

He'd missed these sunsets while abroad, simple and frequent as they were. He hadn't seen many in North Carolina, too busy studying that the hours flew by. Even if the library hadn't been his second home, Jensen knew the sunsets there couldn't have been this amazing.

 

The countryside was quiet and Jensen was tempted to stay out here as long as he could, but there was always more work to be done. Growing up, he'd been sure farming was all manual labor and simple satisfaction of a day's hard work. His father had been smart enough to put Jensen's talents to use when he returned from Duke University - a business degree not something to be wasted in the fields.

 

There was no shortage of desk work for the Ackles' large commercial tobacco farm and Jensen happened to be very good at what he did, grateful for his father's constant teachings and advice.

 

This wasn't where he'd seen himself ending up after college, but some things were more important than Jensen's aspirations.

 

It was much darker when he finally got up and made his way back to the houses. Tomorrow would be hectic enough; his father was hosting an American journalist friend and guests were always a big deal for the Ackles.

~*~*~*~

**June 13, 1997**

 

Jared woke up early, something he was terrible at but couldn't help today. The combination of the strange room and the excitement still running rampant in his head made it impossible to go back to sleep. He guessed J.D. was still asleep in the next room. If he could manage on the noisy plane, then a bare hotel room shouldn't be a problem.

 

After staring at the cracked ceiling for close to an hour, he got out of bed, his spine and muscles protesting each movement. A day of air travel, a harrowing car ride from the airport, and a rag thin mattress were an unfortunate combination. Jared had been mildly surprised that he fit in the hotel's beds.

 

A few hours later after a barely effective shower and an interesting, but fairly decent breakfast, Jared was in a modified utility vehicle with J.D., being driven out of Harare. As soon as they were out of the city's center the view changed drastically.

 

In the heart of Harare, Zimbabwe's capital, the scenery was as foreign to Jared as bouillabaisse, but there were more than enough hints and examples of Western culture everywhere. Modern corporate buildings, mobile phones, western businesses, Mercedes sedans - albeit with darkly tinted windows. Even the hotel could have easily passed for one of those nameless inns in America's heartland if you didn't realize the culture shock waiting outside.

 

But now, with fewer and fewer modern buildings and less that Jared could recognize, the true reality of where he was hit him. The streets became more dusty and rough. Groups of people stood and sat in groups along the curbs and on street corners. There was more bare concrete here on the outskirts; less glass and gleaming metal that were the trademarks of modernized cities. Alleyways and open spaces were filled with shacks. Most everything looked dry and weathered, a yellow-ochre dust covering roofs and streets.

 

If Jared was honest with himself, this is what he'd expected to find all along, what came to mind first when he heard _Africa_. He couldn't look away from the windows, rolled down for lack of air conditioning and mild weather, and he was sure he'd be covered in the yellow dust before their trip was over. 

 

J.D. kept mostly silent as their driver, someone sent by the family they'd be staying with, Jared had been told, navigated the tight streets and narrowly avoided pedestrians. 

 

The scenery stayed the same for miles outside of Harare and Jared was too enthralled to add anything to the quiet and infrequent conversations between the two other men.

 

Jared wasn't aware he'd nodded off until he woke up to a completely different vista. For all he knew he'd gone to sleep in Africa and woken up in Nebraska - there was farmland all around him. The bumping and jostling of the vehicle on the barely paved road must have been what woke him.

 

"Not much going on for most of these farms right now."

 

Crap, J.D. was talking to him. A short grunt told his professor he was listening.

 

"It's fall here, and going on winter, you realize, so most of these tobacco farms are busy with their post-harvest business and dealings. Selling their yields and preparing fields for the next season, unless they're planting winter crops."

 

Tobacco farm, right. Like the one they'd be staying at.

 

"Aren't we going to be bothering them, then?"

 

J.D. shook his head. "No, Alan's run that place for years. He knows what he's doing. His sons run a good deal of the business for him too, Josh and Jensen. We shouldn't really be in the way once we're there. Speaking of that," J.D. addressed their driver, "how far out are we, Mike?"

 

"Probably a few hours yet," Mike, the hearty Zimbabwean, guessed. "Have to travel where the roads are - makes it longer than it should be."

 

Jared nodded in the backseat, dreading the next few hours. He'd never been a very good road tripper - too impatient for stationary travel.

 

J.D. was no longer talking and Mike didn't appear to be interested in further chit chat. Relieved for that at least, Jared dug out his CD player and let Dave Matthews provide the soundtrack for the remainder of the ride.

~*~*~*~

Jensen's father hadn't told him what to expect from their guests. He'd never met J.D. Morgan, but he'd pictured a stuffy and impatient type of man from what he remembered of his college professors. On the contrary, J.D. was more like Alan Ackles - laid back and bursting with stories. His father and J.D. and been talking up a storm since he'd arrived half an hour ago. Their deep voices and laughter had drawn Jensen from his office.

 

If J.D. was a surprise then Jensen would call Jared an electric shock. He stood taller than Jensen with eyes the color of prairie grass and shaggy brown hair that was far too long for Jensen's own taste. He hadn't had a chance to imagine what J.D.'s research assistant would be like, but if he'd had this would not have been the picture he came up with. Guys looking like Jared Padasomething (Jensen couldn't be blamed for zoning out during introductions) didn't show up in Africa, at his doorstep, every day.

 

Or ever.

 

_Shit._

 

Just what Jensen needed this winter, an enormous distraction. He'd made peace long ago that his attraction to other men was not just a college 'phase', but in Zimbabwe the pickings were nonexistent and therefore a non-issue. With a tall, dark, handsome and are-you-fucking-serious college kid in his house, Jensen would have to get a grip. Maybe Jared would largely ignore him in favor of trailing J.D. around all the time. Wasn't that what assistants did?

 

"Hey."

 

_So much for not zoning out again._

 

Jared stood alone in the room with Jensen; J.D. and Alan Ackles had disappeared. Apparently Jared wasn't tagging along after his professor just yet.

 

"It's Jensen, right?" Jared had what Jensen assumed was a Texas accent, drawled vowels and a casual manner.

 

"Right, my brother Josh won't be back around here for several weeks."

 

"Ah." Jared didn't really sound interested but Jensen's brain wasn't firing on all cylinders either so he didn't mind. The kid looked awkwardly around the room. "I think Mike took all my stuff to a room, but I have no idea where he went. Mind showing me around?"

 

"I think I can manage a tour," Jensen said, relieved that his head was catching up with current events. "And we can figure out where my dad is putting you up. I have no idea - planning like that is best left to my dad and sister."

 

Jared smiled at that, a big goofy smile that awed Jensen. He motioned for Jared to follow him out of the hall.

 

It was going to be a long winter.

~*~*~*~

Jared flopped down on the double bed and nearly groaned with pleasure. The firm mattress, thick and comfortable, called to his aching limbs. He wanted nothing more than sleep but his mind was racing.

 

The end of the car ride had been a blessed relief, Mike turning the vehicle onto a long drive lined with low scrub vegetation. There had been nothing but open land for hours, some areas greener than others. The cluster of buildings representing the Ackles' property appeared at the end of the drive. Jared had seen some individuals moving in and out of some of the more commercial looking buildings but as J.D. had said, there was no major flurry of activity as Jared might have expected.

 

Alan Ackles had greeted them when they entered the large ranch style house. He was J.D.'s age, dressed in worn jeans and a clean, tan button down shirt. The two older men had immediately started talking after a welcoming bear hug, excited to catch up. Jared had stood there awkwardly, not really listening, until a younger man entered; one of Ackles' sons from the way he closely resembled J.D.'s old friend.

 

After Alan had made the necessary introductions he and J.D. were off and yammering again. Jared rolled his eyes and focused on Jensen Ackles. The other man hadn't said anything yet; he just stood there looking amused at his father's and J.D.'s enthusiastic hand gestures.

 

Lying on his bed now, Jared closed his eyes and recalled their uncomfortable first exchange; Jared had been afraid that anything out of his mouth would only sound like gibberish. It had been a wild few days, and throwing someone like Jensen into the mix only made his mind spin even more out of control.

 

The 'tour' Jensen had taken him on was more a feat of finding Jared's things which, to even Jensen's surprise, had been taken to Josh Ackles' room in a separate, smaller ranch home. According to his new housemate, Josh was away on business and wouldn't be back until August.

 

There hadn't been much time for more conversation as they made their way back to the main house for dinner, an event dominated by sensational stories from Jared's professor and Jensen's father. It did serve to break the ice, however, the stories giving the two young men ideal blackmail material to use against their elders should the occasions ever arise.

 

He'd come back to his room alone, Jensen excusing himself after dinner to finish up some work. Jared figured he'd hear Jensen come in if he was even still awake later. Now the day just replayed in Jared's head. He thought about Jensen; he'd met and slept with several very attractive men already in his college experience, but their faces faded compared to his new acquaintance.

 

Jensen was gorgeous, that couldn't be ignored; Jared hadn't figured on meeting anyone like that this summer, but the other man was also a complete mystery - something Jared wasn't really used to. He fully intended to change that, though. Regardless of how Jensen felt in the matter, Jared's curiosity was very much piqued. And three months was a long time. He was bound to learn so much before he went back to Texas.

~*~*~*~

**June 28, 1997**

 

In his typical 'office' attire, a long sleeved t-shirt and old basketball shorts, Jensen sat in the large, cluttered office that he technically shared with his father.

 

As the common family joke went, the office belonged to Jensen but the clutter belonged to Alan. His father was rarely in the office, preferring hands-on activities, as Jensen's older brother did. It left the majority of the paperwork to Jensen, but he didn't mind all that much. It was enough to keep him busy and it wasn't as if a social life was possible here. He appreciated all the work and he was good at it - his business degree more than coming in handy. It also kept his mind off all the things he could have been doing if...well, best not to think about it. 

 

It had been a little over two weeks since the Americans had arrived, but Jensen had barely seen either of the men since that first night. J.D. and Jared had been given a crash course on commercial tobacco farming in Zimbabwe - more for Jared's benefit than J.D.'s, he imagined. 

 

Jensen preferred to follow a more rigid schedule than his father - meaning that he had a schedule. Alan Ackles worked on his own time. The farm and its operations were his entire life but he functioned best doing things in the order he saw fit, leading his American friend and guest around at all hours and stopping for drawn out discussions in random locations. Two days ago Jensen had walked in on the three men talking over recent governmental changes in the kitchen while Alan stood at the sink washing things for dinner. 

 

Jared had looked up as he entered the room quietly, his eyes meeting Jensen's. The younger man had given him a quick smile as Jensen grabbed a drink before leaving the room. 

 

Jensen regretted that he hadn't spent time with Jared, or even J.D., but the young man was eager with his research - there whenever he was needed. He'd caught Jared several times late at night in the small den of the siblings' house. His large frame would be hunched over books and newspapers from Alan's small library. They'd exchanged a few words but Jensen hated disturbing people and had never stayed for long. 

 

He was certain Jared would search him out at some point; the other man's small but genuine smiles led Jensen to believe that Jared truly was interested in getting to know him. 

 

Heavy footsteps brought Jensen back to the present and he sat up straighter as his door opened, revealing a hassled looking Jared. He couldn't help but laugh softly as the other man made a dramatic display of huffing, sighing, and flopping down in one of the empty chairs. Another exasperated groan and Jensen gave in. 

 

“All right, I'll bite. What's wrong with you?” 

 

“Nothing.” 

 

Jensen really laughed at that and Jared's expression cracked into a smile. 

 

“Fine. I think I need a break.” Jared paused as Jensen stared and gestured to all of the papers on his desk. 

 

“Not from 'working',” he motioned. “It's been a crazy few weeks for me and I haven't really had a chance to just stop, you know?” 

 

“I know?” 

 

“Jen, I know you don't work all the time,” Jared surprised him by using the shortened version of his name, one normally only used by his father and siblings. “What can you do around here for fun?” 

 

“Go running or something.” The annoyed look that flashed across Jared's face nearly made Jensen crack a smile, but he kept his poker face. 

 

“Running...” 

 

“I hear it's fun," he shot back, the straight face remaining.

 

“I hear people on acid think running in front of oncoming traffic is fun but you don't see me trying that.” 

 

“There's no traffic around here.” 

 

Jared just gaped at him and Jensen broke after a few seconds of silence. The younger man started laughing along with him. 

 

“Jesus, I thought you were serious for a minute, dude.” 

 

“Dude?” 

 

“Dude.” 

 

“Are you a surfer or something?” Jensen asked, confused, while Jared looked at him with wonder, as if he were studying an alien life form. 

 

“Dude!” 

 

Jensen huffed and glared at the amusement on Jared's face. 

 

“Well, I still have work to do, so if you'll excuse me...” 

 

“Jensen! Chill out!” 

 

He couldn't believe his ears. 

 

“Chill out?” Jensen started laughing, and now Jared was the one who looked confused. “I don't think anyone's told me to 'chill out' in years!” 

 

“Surprising.” Jared sounded surly. 

 

“Who around here would say that to me? My dad? My absent brother and sister?” He smiled. “I don't think I've heard that since Duke.”

 

Jared still didn't look thrilled. "Sorry."

 

"There's nothing to apologize for, Jared." Jensen leaned back. "It was just unexpected - and funny," he added.

 

The younger man's expression shifted quickly again - Jensen was beginning to notice Jared's short attention span - and he was looking earnestly at Jensen.

 

"So seriously, I don't think I've studied and read this much since history class. I have to get out and do something. Just not running!" He appended quickly.

 

"You could sit there and watch me work. I still have plenty to do." Jensen was smirking but Jared didn't seem impressed by the suggestion. "Sorry. All right, no sitting and no running."

 

His eyes were drawn to Jared's leg; his right was bouncing up and down as if he were barely able to stay sitting still in his chair. The quick motions gave Jensen a brilliant idea and he wasn't sure why he hadn't thought of it immediately.

 

"How about a game of one-on-one?"

 

"One-on-one on what?"

 

Jensen got up, stretching as he straightened.

 

"I'll show you."

 

Twenty minutes later Jensen had forgotten all about his unfinished work.

 

Outside on the Ackles' makeshift basketball court, both men were already sweating from playing hard and goofing off in equal measure. The 'court' was more of a concrete slab, half the size of the street courts Jensen remembered from North Carolina. Part of an old driveway that was no longer used, Josh and Jensen had begged their dad to install a basketball hoop when they were younger - Michael Jordan fever in full effect for both kids.

 

Jensen hadn't played in a while, especially with his brother gone, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun. He knew Jared was enjoying himself - the constant banter and instant rivalry between them was something Jensen hadn't experienced in so long. He made a valiant grab for the ball, which had seen better days, but missed. Jared yelled triumphantly as he passed Jensen and made a clean shot. Jensen put his hands on his knees to catch his breath and listened to Jared dribble the ball around him; it was the only sound Jensen could hear besides his breathing.

 

"Tired, old man?"

 

"Shut up."

 

"Nice come back." Jared dribbled some more and made another perfect basket. "Maybe a game of P.I.G. is more your speed."

 

"I said shut up, it's been a while."

 

Jared seemed to agree that it was time for a short break. He flopped down on the court and let the ball roll away from him. Jensen followed his example and sat down across from the sprawled out man.

 

"Guessing you play a lot back home," he began, his breathing much calmer.

 

"Only for fun. People always tell me I have the height to be a great player, but I never really got into basketball the way my coaches wanted me to." He paused, taking in the scenery - the African plains were a strange view for a simple game of one-on-one. "During high school, I just stopped wanting to play, but I can still hold my own."

 

"So I see," Jensen conceded.

 

"Seems like you might have played at one time or another," the younger man added, his eyes focused now on Jensen. "Just a little out of practice."

 

"I don't have anyone to play with if I wanted to, besides Josh. I played a bit at Duke, but just I.M. and a little on the weekends for fun."

 

"Hah, so you do know how to have fun!"

 

Jensen shot him a look and got back on his feet. "I hope you've had your fun then, because that was just a warm up for me."

 

Jared smiled at him, another of those bright, genuine ones, and Jensen lost himself for a moment in its warmth. Then he shook his head, silently telling himself to get a grip.

 

_It was just a smile._

~*~*~*~

**July 3, 1997**

 

"Thank god, Jen. I was beginning to get bored with winning every night."

 

Jared yelled from where he was laid out comfortably on the larger of the two couches in Jensen's den. They'd just finished another basketball game - now becoming a habit for the two of them when the calls of research and paperwork died down.

 

Or when Jared got bored. Or restless.

 

He'd wind up pestering Jensen in his office until the other man gave in and they'd wander out to the court, Jared talking a mile a minute the entire time. He wasn't exactly sure why he couldn't shut up around Jensen, especially when he adored hearing the quieter man speak.

 

In their games, Jared would hardly let the older man get a word in, a combination of nerves and energy severing the connection between brain and mouth. Jared hoped he made up for it during what was fast becoming another habit - sharing drinks together in the den on the nights when Jared wasn't busy with J.D. or didn't have to get up early in the morning. Tonight, his professor and Alan Ackles were away from the farm for the night, and Jared was looking forward to sleeping in the next day. 

 

Jensen appeared in the room with a beat up cooler filled with ice and a bottled beer Jared had never heard of. He took the one Jensen offered him and watched the other man take his place on the smaller sofa.

 

"I told you I'd beat you one of these nights, not counting the time you let me win," Jensen said before taking a long draw off the beer bottle.

 

"How do you know I didn't just let you win tonight?" Jared took his own sip of beer, the flavor different from any bottle of Budweiser or the like he'd ever had.

 

"Don't start,” the older man shot back curtly, but Jared could see the hint of a smile at the corner of Jensen's mouth. He decided not to push it.

 

There were a few minutes of quiet as each man drank their beer, simply relaxing. Jared was beginning to love the evenings here, despite the routine being the same. He still spent the majority of the day with J.D., though less than he had during his first couple of weeks, helping the older man with his research, driving out with J.D., Mike, and Alan to surrounding properties to interview other farm owners, and reading up on anything that caught his attention.

 

His 'work' time had been spent mainly on historical research, filling in the gaps in both J.D.'s and his own knowledge. Jared felt he could probably pass any exam on Zimbabwean history and government, colonial and modern. It all interested him, but he liked the chances he got to learn about the Ackles family in more depth.

 

From Alan, with a little help from Jensen, Jared heard of Alan's father, an English colonist who'd come with his parents to Zimbabwe, then still known as Rhodesia. Here, he learned a trade and saved to buy his own land, legally and fairly, one day. Alan Ackles had been raised on this farm, teaching the trade to his own children. But where Alan had known he would inherit the commercial farm from his father, Jensen and Josh Ackles were not guaranteed the same.

 

But as the afternoons wore on, Jared found himself increasingly looking forward to seeing Jensen. Their basketball games were gradually becoming more and more intense as Jensen's once rusty skills were honed. Once their competitiveness wore out, they'd sit on the court and watch the sun set over the fields. Jensen had insisted over a week ago that Jared stay outside with him to see the sunset, claiming it was unlike anything Jared would have seen in Texas. He refrained from commenting on that, well aware that he'd seen some amazing views back home, but Jensen had been partially right. There was something about watching the sun go down here, filled with the knowledge of where exactly on the Earth he was and who he was sitting next to. They'd talk quietly as the sky got darker and darker, the orange light fading around them before they'd stand up and make their way inside.

 

Relaxing now with Jensen, like this, was Jared's favorite part of their time together. At first, Jensen's personality had remained subdued, seemingly content to let Jared do all the talking. Bit by bit, to Jared's pleasure, he'd become much more open and the two men could stay up for hours just talking. Sometimes it would be 'easy chatting'; Jensen's years at Duke, or Jared's childhood growing up in Texas. Other times their conversations were more serious. Jensen had talked about his fears for the future of his family's property and of the things he already knew his government was doing in the name of industry and change.

 

Tonight, the fare seemed to be lighter as Jensen started to talk about his younger sister, Mackenzie, who was currently at the University of Florida.

 

"She says she wants to be a doctor, and I imagine she'll go through the same struggles that Josh and I did," he was saying.

 

Jared knew he was referring to the fact that both of Alan Ackles' sons had tried to stay in the United States after they'd graduated, each unwilling to return to the life they'd known since they were born. Jared also knew, without Jensen saying, that it had been much harder on Jensen than on Josh. He kept meaning to ask, but Jared was sure that his new friend still struggled with the way his life had turned out - ending up back here, working for his father.

 

Children growing up to work for their parents wasn't an uncommon story in life, but Jared sensed that Jensen's predicament was wholly different. He didn't know Jensen's motivations but he was determined to be there, listening if it was ever brought up.

 

"She always sounds so happy when I talk to her," Jensen continued. "Everything she says to me sounds so much like what I'd always tell Josh when I was at Duke."

 

"You know exactly what she's going through, and it can't be easy," Jared said quietly. Jensen shook his head, and then started relaying more of his most recent conversation with his baby sister.

 

Jared felt a quick pang of homesickness - talk of Mackenzie and Josh inevitably reminded him of his own family in Texas. He let the other man's voice lull him away from the negative emotions. He couldn't get enough of Jensen's quiet accent. It was unlike anything he'd heard before and it affected him more than the deepest Southern drawl ever could.

 

Jensen's voice was soothing, and Jared closed his eyes. He couldn't place the accent. There were subtle hints of an English heritage and a slight formality to his speech that time in the U.S. hadn't erased, for which Jared was grateful. There were times he wished he had a tape recorder so that he could hear Jensen's voice whenever he liked, but he made due with the time they spent together.

 

Eventually, the older man's voice quieted. Jared opened his eyes and saw that Jensen had actually fallen asleep on the sofa; his beer bottle fortunately empty. He smiled to himself and stood, picking up the bottle and throwing it in the trash along with his own. He couldn't resist just watching Jensen sleep for a few minutes. The man looked completely relaxed - the long game they'd played tonight, combined with the beer had done Jensen in. It wouldn't be the first time one of them had fallen asleep there.

 

A long yawn told Jared that he wouldn't be too far behind.

 

"I guess that's g'night, Jen," he said very softly as he turned off the light in the den and left the room.

~*~*~*~


	2. Wonder Of The World

~*~*~*~

**July 7, 1997**

 

A few mornings later, Jensen's standing at the large window in the kitchen of the main house, staring out at the rain that's currently pounding the dry earth. He doesn't move as he hears the side door open, intensifying the sound of the heavy drops momentarily. Jared steps inside, pulling off his wet hooded sweatshirt and throwing it over a chair. They each greet the other with a quick 'hey' before Jared joins him at the window.

 

"First time I've seen it rain like this since I got here," Jared's saying as he stares at the grey and yellow sky. "Reminds me of Texas - doesn't rain often, but when it does, watch out."

 

"It rained a couple of weeks ago, later at night. You were probably asleep." Jensen was nearly whispering, his voice almost drowned out by the sound of the rain. "It usually wakes me up."

 

Jared didn't say anything in response and they both stood there for several moments. Suddenly, Jared started humming.

 

Mystified, Jensen shot him a look, but Jared only smirked and kept humming. 

 

"Oh come on, Jen. Just guess," he said after a quick pause.

 

"Guess what? Guess the song?" Jared nodded. "Even if I weren't positive you're mangling whatever song it is, my music knowledge doesn't come close to yours."

 

Jensen figured that probably true, though it hadn't really come up before. He thought his 'taste' in music encompassed only what he'd heard during his four years at Duke - dominated by Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, and Pearl Jam - and music he was positive Jared had never heard in his life - that with which he'd grown up.

 

" _It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you..._ " To Jensen's surprise, Jared started singing in a low, hushed voice. " _There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do..._ "

 

Jensen wished he could have laughed because Jared was terrible. He ignored that impulse in favor of the fact that Jared was singing. To him. It was probably just a silly moment, in a long line of silly moments, for Jared, but still.

 

"Still not getting it?"

 

"What can I say?" Jensen shrugged.

 

_Please keep singing._

 

" _I bless the rains down in Africa,_ " Jared was smiling as he continued to abuse his own vocal cords. " _Gonna take some time to do the things we never had..._ "

 

Jared trailed off, holding his last note in a way that would probably have made any music teacher cry. Jensen thought he'd continue since the song hadn't been guessed, but he stopped and looked a little sheepish.

 

"That's all I remember."

 

"It's all right, I can see why you'd think of it," Jensen was serious. "I don't think I've ever heard it."

 

"I think it's an older song," Jared was drawing his fingers through his shaggy hair, trying to tame the strands that were still damp, whether from a shower or the rain. He walked to the counter, fixing himself a plate of eggs and bacon that Jensen had cooked. "My mom likes it. When I'd hear it as a kid, the idea of Africa seemed so foreign to me, like it wasn't just a different continent. It might have been a different world."

 

"A world filled with jungle animals and native people who'd never heard of the Dallas Cowboys," Jensen interrupted with a grin. He'd heard Jared talk about initial impressions and stereotypes about his country and continent a few times. It was amazing how much he'd changed his views, accepting new information, in the last few weeks.

 

"Yeah, well, I know better now," Jared remarked, his voice a little more quiet. He went back to staring out the window, as if the reminder of his previous way of thinking had saddened him.

 

Jensen turned back to the rain as well, the turn in Jared's usually exuberant mood affecting him too. They both stayed quiet for a short time until, oddly enough, it was Jensen who felt the need to break the silence.

 

"I love Zimbabwe," he began, back to whispering. Jensen knew he had Jared's full attention even though the other man remained silent. It felt like encouragement to continue.

 

"I'm sure I've said otherwise so many times, but it's amazing. I was so against coming back here after college, positive that this could no longer be my home after everything I'd experienced abroad."

 

He stopped for a moment. Jared was still looking at him calmly. They'd skirted around this issue during their evening 'rituals' and even though he knew Jared was a curious person, the young man had never pressed the issue or asked questions. Jensen was sure Jared could pick up on the fact that it was hard for him to talk about; he seemed adept at being able to pin point Jensen's moods.

 

"You know I didn't want to come back, but I had to. Things were starting to get bad here, I knew that. I thought I could avoid it and I thought that my family didn't need me. But when my mom got sick..." Jensen figured his voice was almost inaudible now over the rain, but Jared was still listening, as if he couldn't hear anything but Jensen. "I really had no choice.

 

"This place, this farm, has meant everything to my family since my grandfather purchased it and my parents moved here from England. After my mom died, I couldn't abandon it. It was my father's farm, but this was my mother's house," Jensen gestured all around them. "That eased the pain, a little. We all struggled - Dad, Josh, Mac and me. But this was Dad's world, Josh had been back in Zimbabwe for a few years, and Mac had never left. I felt like I was the only one ripped away from a different life."

 

Jensen's voiced wavered a little and Jared took advantage of the pause.

 

"You thought you were being selfish, and I imagine you've lived with a lot of guilt ever since," he said, and Jensen didn't need to respond. Jared knew he was right without acknowledgment. "And once y'all figured out what the government was starting to do, it made it that much harder to mention leaving again."

 

"This country is in my blood," Jensen began again. "Every time I watch the sunset it just reminds me of what I've gone through, and what I think I've had to give up. But I still love it, especially the rain."

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jared watching him.

 

"If you were given the chance, right now, would you be able to leave?" Jensen didn't turn to face Jared as the question was asked. He kept his gaze focused on the downpour.

 

"Honestly, Jared, I don't think staying is even going to be an option in a few years."

~*~*~*~

**July 10, 1997**

 

In the few days since the rain storm, Jared and Jensen had returned to their routines seemingly without a hitch. Their quiet conversation in the kitchen hadn't been brought up again; Jensen preferring to stick to less serious topics, and Jared had entertained him with his own bawdy college stories and pranks he'd masterminded with his siblings once upon a time and not so long ago.

 

However, he couldn't forget the look on Jensen's face when he talked about coming back to Zimbabwe, the guilt he felt, and his mother's death. Jared had known about Donna Ackles prior to that conversation thanks to J.D.'s briefings before the trip. After Jensen had spoken, Jared had been overcome with the urge to reach out to the older man - to hug him, to comfort him, he wasn't sure. Before he could, though, J.D. and Alan had burst in through the side door, soaked from head to toe, and the moment was effectively ruined.

 

In the seconds before their attention had been completely diverted to the older men, Jared thought he'd seen something in Jensen's expression. Perhaps the other man knew what he'd been thinking, and acknowledged it. Jared could certainly think of worse possibilities than Jensen picking up on how he felt.

 

He sat now in the den of the main house with J.D. - Jared catching up on research and his professor writing. It had been a quiet day for everyone so far, allowing Jared to constantly replay his conversations with Jensen in his mind. The notes he'd been reading sat long ignored in his lap. His CD player was back in his room but Jared couldn't find the gumption to retrieve it. The music would probably bother J.D. anyhow.

 

The sound of his professor clearing his throat startled Jared and he looked up to find J.D. staring at him with a grin.

 

"Jared, you don't have to sit here, you know." The older man's deep voice was calm. Jared didn't think he knew anything of the sort. "You've been ignoring all those papers for over an hour."

 

"Sorry, I'm just a little distracted," Jared always felt better going with mostly-truths.

 

"You don't say," J.D. was still smiling. "Look, you've been an amazing assistant, and I couldn't have brought a better person on this trip."

 

"But?" No matter what anyone told Jared, there was always a 'but'.

 

"But," J.D. drawled the word out nice and long, "you can find your own work, your own story."

 

"Isn't this my job?" Jared had no idea what his professor was getting at. Normally, being vague was not a specialty of J.D. Morgan's.

 

"You've done more than enough for me, and if you didn't run off to play basketball and spend time with Jensen every night, I'd be a little worried about you. Not to mention I'd have no time to myself if you hadn't become friends with Alan's son. But I wanted more for you from this trip than just helping me out."

 

Jared couldn't help but laugh, utterly confused. "I think you totally lost me."

 

"I came to Africa for a story, and I brought you along because I need help with my organization and background research," Jared nodded, all too aware of how his mentor worked. His infamous disorganization had been apparent from the start during Jared's first journalism class with Morgan. "That's only part of the reason, though. I wanted you to find a story here too.

 

"You know, as well as I do, there's so much going on in this country, and it's only going to get crazier," J.D. continued. "Maybe that really interests you. Maybe you'll find something else, but I'd be more gratified if you attempted to find your story than if you stayed here assisting me with mine for the entire trip. I'd probably be grateful, but that's not what I want for you. I love coming here, and I love visiting Alan. My story is already set. Now you just need to discover more about this country and find yours."

 

He wasn't sure he grasped J.D.'s comments completely, but Jared understood enough to know he didn't have to sit there any longer. The older man's words had sparked something in him and without even thinking, he knew what his story could be. Jared just didn't know the ending yet.

 

He didn't think he needed to say anything as he stood and straightened out his papers. Jared glanced quickly at his watch; it definitely wasn't too early to start pestering Jensen.

~*~*~*~

**July 14, 1997**

 

"God I really hate road trips."

 

Jensen glanced over at Jared from the driver's seat of the vehicle. The taller man leaned back against the headrest, begging Jensen with his eyes for the drive to be over.

 

"We haven't been gone for more than two hours, and you're already complaining!"

 

"I didn't know it would take so long to get there! I thought this was a day trip," Jared contended, nearly pouting. Jensen thought it was adorable, even if Jared was doing his best to appear miserable.

 

"Unless you wanted to see another farm, you're going to have to suffer the drive." Jensen focused his eyes back on the narrow road. The two men had gotten up extremely early - Jensen getting his first harsh look at just how much of a morning person Jared was not. Jensen had forced him to get up anyway, considering that seeing more of Zimbabwe had been Jared's idea.

 

His friend had showed up in his office a few days ago which wasn't unusual, but instead of heading out for their normal game of one-on-one, Jared had launched into a speech about how he'd seen so little of the country apart from the farm and Harare. He'd asked if Jensen could take a break from his work and if he'd be willing to take Jared on some side trips.

 

Eager to spend more time with Jared, Jensen had agreed. He'd worked hard to ensure that he could manage a few days away from the farm for this trip. He didn't want to tell Jared where they were going - intent on it being a surprise. He was certain Jared wouldn't suspect anything about their destination until they were nearly there, counting on the fact that while Jared was an excellent researcher, maps often proved problematic. Only the fact that Jensen had insisted on Jared bringing his passport could have spoiled the secret.

 

"My passport? Seriously?" Jared asked, groaning when Jensen's only response had been a vague 'just in case."

 

"Fine, I'll suffer, but it would be nice if this car had a radio," Jared groaned, but Jensen knew he wasn't really sulking. Jared had been pestering him to reveal where they'd be going for the last few days. Jensen didn't bother to say that even if the car had a radio, it would probably be useless out here.

 

"Just be glad I'm not sticking to the main roads," Jensen remarked as he swerved to avoid a large pothole. "It would take us an extra few hours if I had."

 

"Thanks for that, I suppose."

 

As the drive continued, Jared asked a myriad of questions. Jensen told him about the different provinces in Zimbabwe, although they'd never leave the Matabeleland North province during the trip. Jared inquired if he'd seen most of Zimbabwe and Jensen proceeded to tell him about the most memorable of his childhood trips around the nation. Jared jumped from topic to topic, soaking up whatever Jensen said. He wasn't exactly sure what prompted Jared's sudden inquisitiveness, but he didn't mind. The fact that most of Jared's questions centered around Jensen rather than on the country in general didn't escape his notice.

 

Several hours later, Jensen knew they were close to their destination. Jared seemed to pick up on the increased traffic and changing vegetation, not to mention actual 'civilization', and was finally quiet, his focus on trying to figure out where he'd been taken. After another few miles, Jared spotted a sign that gave away the surprise.

 

The younger man stared at the sign as they passed it, and then gaped at Jensen.

 

"Seriously, Jen?"

 

The smile on Jared's face outshone any that had come before, and Jensen was officially smitten.

 

"Welcome to Victoria Falls, Jared. The Seventh Wonder of the World."

~*~*~*~

Jared was pretty sure he was going to faint any second.

 

He hadn't said much since Jensen had confirmed they were indeed visiting Victoria Falls. He'd attempted to read every sign they passed but gave up when his neck started to ache in protest. He felt like a little kid trying to take in everything around him. All the windows in the car were rolled down and he could start to make out a distant roar behind all the other noises.

 

When he asked what it was, Jensen merely grinned wider and said it would be obvious soon enough.

 

Jensen parked the s.u.v. in a large lot with cars having makes and models Jared was able to recognize; he hadn't been around so many people since Harare. It was strange as they walked from the car in a crowd of tourists. Jared was used to only being around Jensen, holed away on their own in the middle of Zimbabwe. Being out in the open with Jensen was unnerving, but he couldn't imagine this experience with anyone else.

 

The other man led the way through the throngs of people, leading to a large statue surrounded by families and groups taking pictures.

 

"Whoa," he murmured, seeing a plume of mist rising behind the figure. The rumble was so loud, giving Jared a sense of the enormous scale and magnitude of what he was about to see.

 

Jensen had stopped by the statue and Jared quickly moved to his side.

 

"I've always known this place by it's original name, Mosi-oa-Tunya," he was saying as Jared read the plaque on the statue of Dr. Livingstone, the man who'd 'discovered' Victoria Falls and named them after Queen Victoria. "It means 'The Smoke That Thunders,' which is a much better name."

 

"I can't believe I once thought Disney World was the coolest thing I'd ever see. I never dreamed I would get to see one of the natural wonders of the world," Jared told Jensen as they moved to buy passes for Victoria Falls Park. His host paid, chuckling when Jared scoffed at the price, and reminding Jared that even though the figure seemed astronomical, it was equal to about four dollars.

 

"This is the first trip I took after my mother's death," Jensen began as they continued into the park, Jared intent on listening despite there being so much to look at. "I hadn't been here since I was a kid, but we all drove up here a few months after it happened. It...helped. It almost felt like I was seeing a piece of heaven."

 

Jensen stopped momentarily and looked up at Jared.

 

"Actually, I don't think I've told anyone that before...."

 

Just as before, Jared's chest tightened when Jensen revealed something so personal. He couldn't believe how he felt knowing that Jensen trusted him enough to reveal a feeling like that. Instead of saying anything he placed his hand on the small of Jensen's back as they started walking again. He meant it as a gesture of comfort, and Jensen didn't shy away from the contact, but Jared was surprised by how good it made him feel.

 

Jensen didn't say anything either, but as they entered the park there was no need for words.

 

A pillar of water spray rose up in the middle of the falls, a mile-long stretch of water cascading down into an enormous gorge that cut out a long chasm in the Earth.

 

Jared was riveted.

 

"This is the dry season, technically," he heard Jensen say after a moment. "If it was April, we might not be able to see much of the falls behind the spray - it can rise up to ten thousand feet. But even now..."

 

Jared looked all around him. The sky was a vivid blue but it felt as if he were out in a spring rainstorm back in Texas. He raised his arms and let the cool water fall on him. He felt Jensen move beside him and listened to the other man's soft laughter at his actions. Jared couldn't help himself - he felt so amazing.

 

The two of them stopped along the park trail wherever Jared saw a good view - just about every five feet. Jensen had brought a clear plastic bag for Jared's camera, saving it from wet ruin. He saw many visitors wearing flimsy raincoats in a myriad of colors. He pointed them out to Jensen.

 

"A lot of people rent them in the park, trying to keep dry." He motioned to his own wet shirt. "I think it's more fun to go without."

 

Jared agreed. Fortunately it was warm enough that the spray actually felt nice. Slightly chilly in the shade but a perfect balance in the sun.

 

They came across a vacant overlook, and Jared moved to the edge of the path with Jensen following. They both spent a few minutes just staring at the vista before them, listening to the unbelievable roar of the Zambezi River. Next to him, the sun shone on Jensen's face, the mist in the air catching on his eyelashes and mouth.

 

It was the perfect view, the perfect moment.

 

"I don't know what's more beautiful, Jen, you or the falls..."

 

Apparently it was also the perfect time to speak before thinking.

 

_Shit_.

 

From the way Jensen immediately spun to face him, Jared knew he'd spoken out loud.

 

"Oh God, Jensen. I didn't mean...I mean, I meant it, but, holy shit," he stammered.

 

"You meant it?" Jensen sounded far too calm, especially since Jared was considering throwing himself into the gorge. He briefly thought about lying. No, he hadn't meant it, he was kidding, oh look, a rainbow!

 

But he had meant it. With everything in him, he wanted Jensen to know what he was feeling. Lying was out of the question.

 

Jensen's face gave nothing away; he merely waited for Jared's answer.

 

"I meant it," he stated simply, though he was terrified of what Jensen would say. He'd felt so comfortable around the other man and had started to feel like there was a possibility of something between them. It was a dynamic he'd never experienced before, knowledge before attraction, but it had been wonderful so far. As long as he hadn't just ruined it for good.

 

"I'm glad."

 

Jensen was smiling, and to Jared it was a sight more gorgeous than the view behind them.

 

"Seriously?"

 

"I'm pretty sure I was thinking the same thing, watching you here," Jensen's voice was quiet, as if he were shy. Jared returned the smile wholeheartedly. "And even if you ranked the waterfall above me, I might be able to live with that."

 

"Don't worry," Jared stepped closer to Jensen. "It doesn't even come close."

 

He reached out, pulling Jensen towards him, unable to resist kissing him. The mist from the falls hit their faces as their lips finally met in a soft, first kiss. Jared's eyes closed as Jensen opened his mouth, the kiss becoming a gentle meeting of tongues and lips that erased everything except for the thunder around them.

 

When they broke apart, both men were nearly soaked from the spray and light rain. Jared couldn't think of anything to say and moved in for another long kiss before Jensen could move away. Considering where they were, Jared was positive it was the most ridiculously romantic first kiss he would ever have. He'd spent months in relationships without the kind of romance he and Jensen had experienced in just the last five minutes. Jensen's hands grasped Jared, pulling him closer, and all other thoughts abruptly fled Jared's mind.

 

They remained in that secluded spot until Jared heard voices along the park trail. Their mouths separated and hands moved down to their sides as a small family walked into view.

 

Jared felt Jensen pressed against his side and he was glad Jensen hadn't broken all contact. His hand moved to the small of Jensen's back, where it had rested to comfortably earlier, as the tourist family started taking pictures. The mother of the family, speaking with a heavy English accent, offered to take a picture of the two men with Jared's camera.

 

Jared wrapped his arm around Jensen's shoulder and held him closely as the photo was snapped. After handing back the camera, the family moved on and they were alone once more. Jensen reached out and entwined their hands, trying to pull Jared away from the edge of the path and back onto the trail, but he resisted.

 

"Jen..."

 

"Jared,' he mimicked with a bright grin.

 

"Do you, I mean, with me...?" Jesus, where was his usual self confidence? He sounded like an idiot.

 

"I have no idea what you're saying, Jared, but the answer is probably yes. I feel the same way." Jared smiled and squeezed Jensen's hand, even though he really had no clue what he'd been trying to ask. The answer was good enough without the actual question.

 

"Now," Jensen went on. "I brought you to this place, so don't tell me you want to just stay right here and make out all afternoon."

 

He didn't think his brain was functioning quite yet, but that option sounded perfectly fine to Jared. Jensen apparently saw something in his expression saying just that, and shook his head.

 

"I'm serious, there's plenty more to see."

 

"I'm sure there is," Jared replied, glad to see the connection between brain and speech had been restored. "But don't you think it can wait at least another ten minutes?"

 

The smile Jensen gave him as they came back together told him that yeah, that would probably work out just fine.

~*~*~*~

In the end, it had probably been closer to half an hour, but Jensen wasn't complaining. It had been the most amazing afternoon he'd spent in years.

 

Jared had still insisted on stopping every few feet to take pictures, but he'd managed to have other people take their photo together in each spot. It meant he'd spent the majority of the afternoon pressed against Jared's side, their arms around each other. And whenever they came across another secluded spot, Jared would pull him in for another kiss.

 

If Jensen was smitten before, he was dangerously close to combustion after experiencing Jared's kissing. He hadn't yet gotten over the initial shock of Jared's confession, and everything since then had been unbelievable.

 

Like Jared, he'd felt something developing between the two of them in recent weeks. He was always content to be around the younger man; Jared had come into his life so quickly, yet so fully, it amazed him. He couldn't really imagine his days without having Jared dragging him outside or sitting with him late at night, bonding over shared and varied experiences. He'd been attracted to Jared back on that first day, but he'd never expected them to end up like this. He was more than happy to be wrong.

 

It all hit him fully as Jensen pulled the vehicle into the parking lot of the Ilala Lodge in Victoria Falls; he'd gone ahead and reserved a hotel room before they left the farm. Jensen hated driving on the rough roads in the dark.

 

Jared had laughed when he said that, but Jensen was serious. He'd heard too many stories of people hitting elephants in the dark to attempt it, especially in this region of Zimbabwe. Jared had started laughing even harder at _that_ explanation.

 

They each grabbed a bag from the car before walking into the lobby of the Ilala. After retrieving their room key, Jensen led them past the dining room; they stopped for dinner on their way from the park. Stepping into their hotel room, their bags were dropped on the floor as they looked around. The room was surprisingly spacious - two large beds, a small kitchenette, a large armoire, and two ceiling fans - much different from the accommodations he was sure Jared was used to at the farm.

 

Jared was unusually quiet. His earlier exuberance at the park was tempered now; Jensen wasn't sure if it was from nerves or excitement, but he was feeling a strong combination of both.

 

It was Jared who ended up breaking the silence.

 

"Jen, I just..." he paused as if to rearrange his thoughts. He'd walked forward to stand in front of Jensen. "I wanted to say that today has been perfect and I wouldn't change a thing."

 

"I know," Jensen whispered back. "I didn't expect anything like this, though, Jared."

 

"Me neither."

 

The taller man wrapped his arms around Jensen's waist, pulling him close and leaning forward so their foreheads were touching.

 

"So thank you, for today," Jared breathed quietly against Jensen's lips before pressing his own against them. Anything Jensen could have said was erased by the feeling of Jared all around him.

 

He pulled Jared backwards towards one of the beds, landing softly and yanking Jared down with him, barely breaking their kiss. Jensen, knowing he was completely unprepared to take things much farther than this, was content to press against Jared from lips to knees. Jared seemed to be having similar thoughts - he made no move to progress things further.

 

Eventually, worn out from the long and eventful day, Jared moved to turn out the lights. They'd shed all their clothing with the exception of t-shirts and boxers, neither willing to cross that line just yet. Jensen wasn't entirely sure about Jared's sex life back in Texas - it was certainly nonexistent since he'd arrived - but he knew his own had been put on hold since coming back to Africa years ago.

 

Jared crawled back into bed beside Jensen, who'd already turned down the sheets. He was welcomed back into Jensen's personal space and the two continued to explore each other with hands and mouths until they finally fell asleep.

~*~*~*~

**July 16, 1997**

 

Jared and Jensen arrived back at the farm a couple days later. Jared had succeeded in convincing Jensen to stay for an extra day, allowing them both to sleep in. When they finally emerged from their room for breakfast, Jared had found a brochure on the rest of Victoria Falls Park and insisted they go back.

 

He dragged Jensen back to the statue of Dr. Livingstone when they returned to the park, excited to see the natural wonder of the Falls again. Then, instead of taking the path around the falls, they'd explored the lands around the Zambezi River, Jared's camera getting put to use once again as they came across elephants, baboons, and other wildlife. The day concluded with one last trip to the Falls, the sight just as amazing towards sunset. The time had flown by and it was dark by the time they returned to the hotel.

 

That night, nerves were lessened or mostly ignored as Jared confidently brought Jensen off with his ' _oh my God, your mouth_ ,' as Jensen had groaned. The older man more than eagerly returned the favor, surprising Jared with his somewhat rusty - ' _years, Jared, give me a break_ ' Jensen had defended - yet still impressive talents. Jensen had looked utterly smug at the point when Jared had lost all powers of speech.

 

Though Jared was thrilled that Jensen didn't insist on leaving at the break of dawn, he still made a noble effort to complain as much on the ride back to the farm as he had going the opposite way. His whining didn't seem to affect Jensen whatsoever. He would just smile whenever Jared attempted to pout.

 

"I wish we could have stayed longer," he muttered as Jensen turned on to the Ackles' property.

 

"Technically, you're still on vacation," Jensen said with an encouraging grin, parking the vehicle. "It's back to the same old, same old for me."

 

"Same old, same old, Jen?" Jared tried to purse his lips and lower his eyelashes suggestively, but didn't succeed. Jensen just laughed at him and got out of the car.

 

Walking into the main house, Jared found J.D. and Alan sitting in the kitchen, arguing good naturedly about something as their dinners lay neglected on the table. They stopped long enough to welcome him back. Jared wasn't even out of the door, clutching two beers, before they started up again. He hoped that whatever the two men were working on kept them occupied well into the evening; he had no plans of socializing or sharing Jensen that night.

 

He handed one of the beer bottles to Jensen, who'd already thrown their bags in their rooms and gotten comfortable on the larger couch. They wasted a few minutes with idle chit chat; Jared hadn't been able to stop talking about the elephants they'd seen yesterday. He'd given them all unofficial names, and Jensen poked him in the side when he kept referring to the baby elephant as 'Jen.'

 

Eventually, as the sun started to set and the room became darker, Jensen leaned over to whisper in Jared's ear.

 

"Are you a boy scout, Jay?" Jared shivered at the feeling of Jensen's breath so close to his face.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

He could feel Jensen's smile against his cheek.

 

"Don't they say that a boy scout is always prepared?"

 

Jared grasped the meaning of what Jensen was asking very quickly, the hand squeezing his thigh leaving very little doubt. He let Jensen see the confusion in his eyes, though.

 

"Jen, I thought you wanted..."

 

His new lover didn't let him finish the thought, taking Jared's lips in a kiss that was more forceful than any he'd received from Jensen yet. He obviously didn't really need to ask for clarification about what Jensen wanted from him.

 

"Are you?"

 

"Yeah, yeah," Jared whispered, making a vague motion towards 'his' room. "Never expected..."

 

"I know, Jay. I know."

 

Jensen pulled him up from the couch and into Jared's room. Crossing the threshold, Jensen seemed to realize he'd taken control of the situation and stepped back slightly.

 

"We don't have to," he started, and Jared regretted the sudden change in Jen's demeanor. He found he was starting to like Jensen's more assertive attitude.

 

"God Jen, I want to. Believe me," he assured the other man, pulling Jensen back to him.

 

His room was dark, but Jared could make out Jensen nodding against his chest. He leaned down for a kiss, trying to convey what he was feeling, and where he wanted the night to lead. Jensen seemed to get the message, gaining confidence once more and pushing Jared back on to the bed.

 

The night became a series of imperfect moments. Jensen laughing as Jared ran fingers lightly down his ticklish sides. Five minutes of Jared rifling through his suitcases, naked, trying to locate condoms and the delighted cry when he finally triumphed. There were awkward positions and nervous glances. 'Is this all right?' was uttered more than once by both men.

 

In the end, the series of imperfect moments led up to one utterly perfect one; Jared sliding into Jensen's body for the first time. The hours leading up to this moment ensured that Jared and Jensen could take it slowly, enjoying every second of sensation and feeling.

 

Jared never stopped whispering in Jensen's ear as they moved, pointedly ignoring Jensen's quiet complaint that he couldn't shut up, even during sex. Though, the way his lover responded to everything he did and said told Jared that Jensen didn't mind in the least.

 

They stayed wrapped together until the sky started to lighten, taking advantage of the long night to get their fill of each other. Jensen fell asleep at sunrise, but Jared remained awake a little longer.

 

He'd never fallen so far, so fast. It wasn't frightening - he wouldn't give up anything he'd found with Jensen - but it was strange. Jared couldn't help but wonder what his last few weeks in Africa would be like, knowing the summer wasn't going to last forever. They were sure to be amazing, no doubt, but there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Jared shook himself, unwilling to ruin the rest of the night with those thoughts. He curled closer to Jensen, the other man unconsciously making room for Jared at his side.

~*~*~*~


	3. The End Is The Beginning Is The End

~*~*~*~

**July 31, 1997**

 

The days were flying by for Jensen. He suspected that his father, along with J.D., knew of the turn his relationship with Jared had taken, and the two older men usually made themselves scarce. Jared still helped his professor at times, but it was no where near as often as before their trip.

 

Jensen tried to entice Jared to take another road trip with him, but the other man muttered something about 'fucking cars' right before kissing Jensen senseless on the older man's bed. That discussion was very soon forgotten.

 

So they stayed on the Ackles' farm, spending the majority of their time together. Their routine was similar to that before Victoria Falls, only with constant breaks for making out. Their discussions were more serious, Jensen was noticing. He figured that Jared had taken in so much about Zimbabwe and the agricultural travesties beginning to take place, but the young man had never really wanted to discuss what he'd learned.

 

Now though, Jared could talk at length, sitting on the couch in their den with Jensen's head resting on his thigh. Jensen would usually close his eyes and listen, nodding when appropriate, content to say very little; he thought Jared was more interested in just expressing his feelings rather than starting a discussion. From what he'd been able to hear while in his office, Jared and J.D. got into 'discussions' often enough. Jensen got the impression that J.D. was an intimidating man, impressive in his vast knowledge of the Zimbabwean government's wheeling and dealings. Jared could sometimes barely get an argument in when they talked. He was more than happy to allow his lover to talk his ears off whenever Jared needed the outlet for his thoughts.

 

"I think I was too busy with my attraction to you," Jared had said when Jensen questioned him about his sudden willingness to discuss more serious matters. "Everything else fell by the wayside when I was with you. We talked, but it was getting to know each other."

 

Jensen could hardly argue with that, especially when Jared gently reminded him of his own previous reluctance to venture into more personal conversations.

 

Their days were calm and friendly, their nights a combination of sex (Jensen had been eager to make up for his serious dry spell) and intimate conversations. In only a little over two weeks, Jensen was positive he knew more about Jared than any previous boyfriend he'd had, and was certain Jared felt the same way. He was happier, here and now, than he'd ever been since coming back from Duke.

 

With that knowledge, however, came the realization that his time with Jared was coming to an end.

 

By mutual agreement on their second night in Victoria Falls, they'd each made an effort not to think about the day when Jared would leave. It was more than uncomfortable to think about; Jensen was terrified. He was aware that despite agreeing not to bring it up, he and Jared would have to talk about their impending separation sooner or later. He knew Jared was probably having similar thoughts, though he'd remained silent on the issue. However, he'd taken to bringing his camera with him everywhere, snapping pictures throughout the day as if intent on documenting whatever he could.

 

Unfortunately for both men, J.D. unknowingly broke their silent treaty during dinner. After talking at length about the series of major articles he was planning upon his return to the U.S. with Alan and Jensen, Jared's professor asked his assistant if he'd managed to 'find his story yet.'

 

Jensen wasn't sure what his father's friend was talking about, but the way Jared was blushing was adorable. J.D. grinned as Jared cleared his throat and swallowed.

 

"Story?" Jensen asked, trying to figure out the looks passing between the two Americans. Alan looked just as confused but continued to eat as if no one had said anything out of the ordinary.

 

"I think I found it," Jared nodded and responded quietly, glancing Jensen's way. He shared a small smile with his lover as if sharing a secret joke. "It's not quite fit to print yet, but I know my story."

 

He couldn't remember Jared ever seeming so shy but Jensen was still a little mystified. It didn't look like either man was going to clue him in, so he went back to his food after returning Jared's smile.

 

"Good," J.D. said after an awkward moment. "Only a couple weeks before this trip is over and we're back to the Texas summer. Time to start thinking about the experiences you're going to leave here with."

 

Jensen watched Jared merely nod in response and resume eating. He wished J.D. hadn't mentioned their remaining two weeks; he'd tried so hard to ignore it. Not the healthiest choice, he knew, but it made their time together a little more carefree. It was out in the open now, and Jensen couldn't miss the sad looks Jared kept sending his way for the rest of dinner.

 

Later, Jensen tried to control his unease, but failed. Jared was lounging on the sofa reading, but Jensen didn't feel too badly about interrupting. He set Jared's book aside as he straddled the other man's thighs, giving in to the irresistible urge to be close. Jared didn't look unhappy with the sudden change in activity and pulled Jensen even closer on his lap, adding a kiss for good measure. Jensen was determined not to get distracted, but it was difficult.

 

"Jay..."

 

"Mmmm?"

 

"What was J.D. talking about?" Jensen pulled back slightly to see Jared's expression. “When he was talking about a story, are you writing something too?"

 

Jared's grin was nothing like the shy smile Jensen remembered from dinner. There was only a little embarrassment gleaming in his eyes but it was almost overwhelmed by happiness.

 

"J.D. thought I was working too much on his projects," he started, hands resting comfortably on Jensen's hips. "He was worried I was too busy to find something in Africa for myself. Of course, I think J.D. figured on me finding a journalistic story. I don't think he meant finding this." Jared squeezed Jensen's hips. "I found _you_."

 

"Wow," Jensen tried not to laugh. "That was _so_ cheesy."

 

Jared started chuckling as well, probably realizing just how over-the-top he'd sounded. Jensen, on the other hand, couldn't help the deep feeling of warmth that spread through him with Jared's short speech. He threaded his fingers though Jared's shaggy hair - the style no longer unattractive to Jensen in any way. It had become one of the things he liked most.

 

He pulled Jared's face to his - allowing himself to forget everything else he'd meant to say - and placed soft kisses on the young man's cheeks, nose, and finally his lips. It didn't stay soft for long. At the feeling of Jensen's lips on his, Jared took control and deepened their contact. His hands made their way beneath Jensen's shirt, skimming over the soft skin, lingering in places intimately discovered. Jensen gave in wholeheartedly, glad of the distraction now from his unwelcome thoughts.

 

They had not been banished for good though, and as both men lay awake in Jensen's bed - naked, satisfied, and cuddled together, something both men were slowly getting used to. Jensen couldn't stand it any longer.

 

"I don't know what's going to happen," he whispered into the darkness between them. Jared stirred beside him, reaching a long arm across to rest on Jensen's sternum.

 

"You're leaving in a few weeks -”

 

"Jen, I thought -"

 

"Jay, stop." Jensen's voice was quiet but firm and Jared stayed silent though his arm tightened across Jensen's chest. "You'll be gone in two weeks," he began again, "and I have no idea what's going to happen to me."

 

He took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. Any words.

 

"You're just another uncertainty in my life, Jared. I know you're going home but I'm lost after that. I didn't want to think about it - _told you_ not to think about it, but I can't seem to stop."

 

Jared took advantage of Jensen's slight pause to interrupt.

 

"I can't change the fact that I have to leave," his low voice was serious, "and I wish that...wait, what do you mean I'm an uncertainty?"

 

Jensen started at the change in Jared's tone. He turned so that he could meet his lover's eyes.

 

"Living here, doing what my father and I do - everyday dawns with an uncertain future. I'm pretty sure I'm starting to love you, Jay, but I don't know if it's real for you." 

 

Jared looked ready to protest so Jensen quickly continued.

 

"You once told me that Africa felt like another world to you - filled with things you'd only dreamed about. I know what I feel for you, and I know what I've felt from you, but when you're back in Texas, I think I'll just be another dream for you. Gone from reality."

 

"You won't, Jen," Jared's emotional voice filled the narrow space between their faces. "I swear you won't. Africa is just as real for me now as it is for you. This could have ended up being just a vacation for me, but you were here and we couldn't be more real. This feels like a second home to me because of you. Jen, you could never be just a dream."

~*~*~*~

Jared was pretty positive he was shaking with the effort it took to keep his emotions in check. He'd never considered himself a romantic, but the words he was unable to hold back could prove otherwise. Jensen too seemed to be struggling to hold himself together.

 

Unsure of what else to say, Jared pushed himself closer to the other man, tucking his head under Jensen's chin. He could feel each shaky breath Jen took.

 

Despite being so close, he strained to hear Jensen's next soft words.

 

"It's ironic," Jared could feel the vibrations against Jensen's throat as he whispered. "You're calling me a part of Africa, but all I could think about before you came was leaving. When you leave, it'll be so much worse."

 

Jensen fell quiet, and Jared sympathized, emotionally drained. He hadn't expected this from Jensen, though he'd known the conversation would surface sooner or later. Jared was more than touched by the depth of Jen's feelings for him - he clutched his boyfriend tighter - and he hoped he'd left no doubt as to the way he felt in return.

 

His mind raced with all he'd heard, desperate to find a solution. Jared's pessimistic side feared that once he left, he'd never see Jensen again, and saw no way around that eventuality. His optimism, a gift from his mother, countered with the fact that Jensen loved him and told him not to give up.

 

Jensen was still quiet, and Jared was afraid the other man had fallen asleep already, but he spoke nonetheless.

 

"I could stay."

 

"Don't be an idiot."

 

Definitely not asleep then. Jensen's voice sounded less shaky, his inner turmoil calmed somewhat.

 

"You don't want me to go, and I'm clearly not too keen on leaving."

 

"Jay, as much as I don't want you leaving me, I definitely don't want you to stay."

 

Jared pulled back enough to see Jensen's face, his shock evident in his expression.

 

"I thought-" he hated how small he sounded, and Jared paused to rephrase. Glancing at Jensen, he was a little surprised to see that his boyfriend appeared agitated. He spoke before Jared got a chance.

 

"Jay, haven't you learned anything from your work, from J.D.?" Jensen asked softly, his hand grasping behind Jared's neck. "You can't stay here. I don't even want to stay here. My Africa is filled with problems."

 

He sighed tiredly. "How long will it be until my father's entire business is declared forfeit because he's white?"

 

From everything he'd learned, Jared realized there was no promising answer to the rhetorical question.

 

"How much longer until things turn violent? I don't think anything positive can happen here, not in my future. You know as well as I do, Jay, it's not going to be stable for my family when things start breaking down."

 

Jensen shifted forward, his forehead nudging Jared's shoulder. Jared felt the hot breath on his chest. It was comforting, though Jensen needed the reassurance just as much. He'd never had this intimacy with any other boyfriend, nothing even close. Using his legs, he tugged Jensen until they were fully pressed together.

 

"I can't have you here for that, Jay. I'm selfish enough wanting to leave, but I'm not so selfish that I'd risk your safety just to have you here, not to mention everything waiting for you at home." The words were spoken into Jared's skin, and he felt them in his entire body.

 

"Man," he felt Jensen laugh after a moment, startling him. "I called your speeches cheesy. Guess I just evened the score."

 

"Definitely," Jared added quietly, taking a deep breath to dispel some of the emotion that had built all night. He could feel Jensen do the same.

 

"But I'm serious," the older man said, raising his head as much as Jared's hold allowed.

 

"So come back with me."

 

Jared was reaching, Jensen could probably tell, but he didn't feel right letting this drop just yet.

 

"God Jared, I would," he responded, shifting back against the pillow. Jared let him move away that little bit. "But I can't leave my father and Josh. Imagine the chaos they'd be in without me."

 

"Right," Jared kept his leg hold on Jensen as he leaned back as well, turning his head to look at Jensen. "I had to say something, and I really don't know what I'm doing here. I know what I want, but it's impossible to get."

 

Jared let the silence take over the room, unsure of what else to say. He could tell Jensen was still awake, but his own eyes were fighting against him, desperate for sleep after all that had been said. He felt himself drifting off when he finally heard Jensen whisper.

 

"We'll get there, Jay."

~*~*~*~

**August 2, 1997**

 

"Find it yet?"

 

Alan heard J.D. yell from the kitchen as he came out of Jensen's office. His son had barely noticed as he'd walked right up to one disorganized pile and pulled the sheets he needed right out of it. Jensen had learned long ago that while his organization didn't come from his father, it didn't mean Alan didn't know exactly where everything was in his various messy stacks.

 

He rejoined J.D. at the counter after quickly refilling their coffee mugs. It was a slow Saturday morning for both men. Jensen was already working, which wasn't surprising, but he'd expected his son to still be asleep like he figured Jared was. Handing the papers to his friend, Alan sipped at his coffee, grateful that Jensen had made it when he woke up.

 

"How's Jensen this morning?" J.D. asked as he perused the sheets in front of him.

 

"More awake than I am. I'm surprised he's not sleeping in again, I think Jared's been a bad influence."

 

"Pity Jared isn't becoming more organized, I guess it doesn't work the other way around."

 

"Anyone is organized compared to you," Alan laughed. "Jared's not that bad."

 

"No, he's not," his friend agreed. "He's a good kid. I thought this summer would be good for him."

 

"Hasn't it been? You two seem to have covered an extraordinary amount of information in the last couple of months. I'd call it a success."

 

"A success, yeah of course. Couldn't have done it without you and Jensen, but that's not what I meant. You're not blind, Alan. You know how close Jared and Jensen have gotten."

 

"My son's old enough to live his life they way he wants," Alan fired back. "It's no surprise to me, if that's what you mean."

 

"I didn't mean it that way," J.D. came back quickly. "You know I've always liked your kids and Jensen has been a great host for Jared. But you can see how far it's gotten, right?"

 

Alan nodded. He had seen, knowing his son's moods well. Ever since the two young men had driven back from Victoria Falls, they'd both seemed happier. He didn't know that he'd seen Jensen this carefree since his last summer vacation during college. The last couple of days, on the other hand, he'd noticed Jensen was quieter, and Jared a little more subdued, which said a lot.

 

"I know what you're trying to say," Alan started, trying to figure out how best to phrase his thoughts, "and I don't regret Jared's relationship with Jensen." He sighed, and J.D. let him continue. "When Donna passed and Jensen told me he'd stay here, I almost turned him down and told him to go back to North Carolina. He had such promising offers, but I was selfish and accepted his help. I needed it, don't get me wrong, but I would have found a way to manage. Jen's been so unhappy, but he hides it pretty well. But it's never been more apparent how miserable he was, until I saw just how happy he could be."

 

"Jared can't stay here, and I know enough of Jensen to realize that he won't leave this country yet," his friend interjected. "I'm worried what it'll mean for them. A long distance relationship is one thing, but this would go so far beyond that. It's a complete separation, and I think it'll kill Jared."

 

"And Jen," Alan spoke up. "It's hard for him, losing people with only me and Josh to fall back on."

 

Alan let J.D. think things over, but his own mind wasn't idle. More than the farm, his children were his life. He was lucky that Josh had taken after him, his passion for their country and land was evident. Mackenzie was a wild card, but he guessed she'd take after Jensen, preferring life abroad. With her, he was in a position to grant it, not wanting his youngest to return amidst the political and economic turmoil he could sense in their future.

 

As for Jensen, he wanted nothing more than to tell his youngest to leave, but now wasn't the time.

 

"You have some thinking to do, Alan." J.D. likely knew what he'd been thinking. "And I'll do whatever I can to help you."

 

"I expected no less from you and your bleeding heart, Morgan." His friend laughed heartily at the jab to his morals.

 

"Well, I'm sure Jared and Jensen would be horrified if they knew we were talking about them," Alan nodded in agreement. "Back to work then?"

 

"For as long as you can put up with me on a Saturday."

~*~*~*~

**August 13, 1997**

 

It was a nicer hotel than before, Jared noticed. No cracks in the ceiling, a king sized bed that looked sturdy, and even a television. He couldn't imagine what they'd even be watching if he turned it on, so Jared resisted, not quite ready to get back to the rest of the world yet. Instead, he looked out the window, able to get a good view of Harare from their fourth floor room, something else their previous city accommodations had lacked.

 

"Are you going to stand there all night?" Jensen queried from the bed. He looked half asleep, automatically laying on the left side, knowing Jared was partial to the right ('easier to hit the snooze button,' Jared had insisted). J.D. had taken another room and Mike, quiet the entire ride as usual, stayed with family in the city. He and Jensen had this last night to themselves before the Atlantic Ocean separated them indefinitely.

 

"Why, you in a hurry to sleep?"

 

When Jensen didn't answer, Jared glanced over to see him faking sleep - only the upturned corners of Jensen's mouth giving him away. Moving quickly, Jared crossed the room and jumped on top of him, landing squarely on Jensen's stomach. Recovering, Jensen shoved him off but Jared turned, laughing, and pinned Jensen's arms, kneeling over him.

 

"No sleeping," Jared insisted with a mischievous smile.

 

"You'll be miserable flying tomorrow if you don't sleep."

 

Jared's wide grin faded and he moved off Jensen's legs. "I'm pretty sure I'll be miserable tomorrow no matter what. And the next day, and the day after that."

 

"Jay..."

 

Jensen leaned up, their positions reversing as he looked down at Jared.

 

"I know," Jared tried for another smile, but it felt weak. "I'll stop."

 

"You'll be so busy when you get home; I bet your family can't wait to see you."

 

Bless Jensen's heart; he'd been trying this act on Jared for a week. Down playing the impending turmoil by reiterating everything Jared was going back to, all the things he'd be able to have. To distract him from what he was losing. It was done with good intentions, but Jared saw through it. But, he figured it might help Jensen to say it, so he usually tried not to interrupt.

 

"I bet you'll get barbecue your first night back, if you don't die of jet lag," he was saying. "And school in only a couple of weeks. No more of J.D. letting you sleep in and slack off, right?"

 

"Jen..."

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Can we maybe not talk about this?"

 

"Sorry," he muttered, glancing apologetically at Jared. "I just didn't..."

 

Jared knew. He didn't know what to talk about either. He decided to save them both the trouble of thinking, quickly pulling Jensen down and kissing him decisively. He tested the kiss, pressing harder then retreating, trying to figure out where Jen's head was really at.

 

Jensen's tongue chased his, the older man clearly preferring making out, and Jared approved. Talking, while a prominent activity in the last week, hadn't really helped matters. This distraction was welcome. He wrapped his hand around Jensen's neck, fingers digging into the scalp as the kiss became more desperate. Clothes were shed silently. Jared was tempted to grab his camera so he could capture every second, every look.

 

Jared figured they both had the same idea, his hands memorizing the features of Jensen's face and body before Jensen flipped him over to do the same. Everything was more urgent, a silent clock ticking somewhere, driving their actions, not knowing when or if they'd get to have this again.

 

Like the first time back at their small, ranch house, Jensen let Jared take him, but the comparison to that night ended there. It was not a series of imperfections, but rather a testament to just how thoroughly they'd discovered each other. Jensen drove Jared out of his mind early on, fingers skimming along Jared's long torso while his mouth tortured Jared down below, bringing him to a first climax. Eager to return the pleasure, Jared recovered as quickly as he could, moving Jensen on to his stomach before working fingers and tongue inside his boyfriend, drawing out every moment they had.

 

Finally, in the dim light of the bedside lamp, Jared straddled Jensen's upper thighs, keeping the older man's legs pinned between his knees. He took his time, large hands spread across Jensen's freckled shoulder blades, curving over the wings as his boyfriend tried to arch into him. From this position, he could lean completely over Jensen, kissing him between thrusts. When a faster pace and deeper penetration became imperative, he grabbed Jensen's leg, lifting him slightly to the side. Holding Jensen's calf against his chest, he watched the expressions cross Jensen's face, easily reading when he hit the perfect angle.

 

Jensen came first, reaching up and yanking Jared's face to his so they could kiss deeply as he climaxed. Jared wasn't far behind, Jensen's spent state allowing him to thrust even deeper, letting himself go as Jensen whispered his name.

 

The older man didn't seem up to movement just yet, and Jared smirked as he cleaned them both off. The sex had quieted their fears temporarily and Jared took advantage, curling close around a sleepy Jensen. He didn't want to fall asleep and his nerves complied, keeping him on edge enough not to give in. Jensen couldn't hold out, breathing deeply in Jared's grasp. Spotting his camera on the bedside dresser, he grabbed it and held it as far in front of him as he could, quietly taking a picture. Jensen didn't wake up, only mumbled and shifted closer.

 

Positive he could just sleep on the plane, Jared set the camera back and laid awake, watching Jensen until the room started to brighten.

~*~*~*~

Jensen was glad Mike was driving. He couldn't focus on anything except the package on his lap. He barely noticed the traffic melee Mike was attempting to navigate around.

 

With a shy smile, Jared had given him the thick envelope just before he and J.D. disappeared on their way out of Africa. It was similar to the package Jared received in the airport - Jensen handing it over with a muttered explanation of 'some things I wanted you to have.'

 

They hadn't spoken much that morning. Feelings and concerns had been discussed enough and it was too early to antagonize over their future. Jensen knew without Jared saying anything that they'd both do whatever they could to keep in touch over the next year. He knew it was as serious for Jared as it was for himself, and he'd agreed to think seriously about leaving Zimbabwe once Jared finished college next summer.

 

At the airport, while J.D. and Mike handled their luggage, Jared had pulled him into a tight embrace. The crowds were thin and Jensen returned the hug. He couldn't cry but he could feel himself shaking, knowing that part of the trembling came from Jared. Then, after Jared let go of him, he put Jensen's envelope into his bag and pulled out the package that Jensen now couldn't stop staring at.

 

"Just so you can remember," he'd whispered in Jensen's ear. He barely heard Jared add that he'd call as soon as he could, before he walked away with J.D.

 

His name was scrawled on the front of the envelope in Jared's unruly handwriting. Trusting Mike to get them out of Harare and back home, he opened the package, dumping the contents on his lap.

 

Slips of paper, another envelope, and three CDs fell out. Jensen smiled. The white business envelope also had his name on it but Jensen set it aside, fairly sure the letter inside would make him cry and Mike didn't need to see that. He picked up the CDs. Jared loved music, spending the summer sharing his favorites with Jensen. Since music stores were scarce in the Zimbabwean countryside he knew Jared had left his own discs behind. Dave Matthews Band, The Smashing Pumpkins, and a mixed CD Jared had claimed was his absolute favorite. Setting those aside, he grabbed the pieces of paper.

 

Mike shot him a glance when Jensen laughed out loud. The scraps were all crude figure drawings and Jared had labeled them all. He didn't stop smiling as he flipped through their summer, retold by stick-Jensen and stick-Jared. His boyfriend had even added captions to the back of the pictures. Either Jensen's memories were fuzzy or Jared remembered things differently. And more comedically.

 

' _I didn't have any pictures to leave with you, but when I get them developed I'll send you duplicates. Until then, hope these 'pictures' will help._ '

 

On the back of a picture of two stick men standing at a window, he'd written out the lyrics Jensen remembered him singing. Reading the song, he tried to hear Jared's low voice in his head, mixed with the sound of the rain falling.

 

' _It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you_

_There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do_

_I blessed the rains down in Africa_

_Gonna take some time to do the things we never had._ '

 

Jared had added a smiley face and a note that he still didn't remember the rest of the lyrics. Jensen squeezed his eyes shut, afraid he would end up crying anyway. He almost didn't look at the last drawing, but couldn't resist.

 

It was two stick figures labeled 'Jen' and 'Jay' at what Jensen guessed had to be their lookout at Mosi-oa-Tunya. Jared had drawn a sun and rain drops, illustrating the contrasting weather that made the Falls so magnificent. Flipping it over, he read the note.

 

So much for not crying.

 

' _This is when I think I fell in love with you._ '

~*~*~*~

 

**The End is the Beginning is the End.**

 

~*~*~*~

**May 30, 1998**

**Austin, Texas**

 

Jared didn't feel like he was a college graduate. He'd gone through the ceremony, gotten his leather bound diploma, partied with his friends, and been forced to take dozens of pictures with his family. It had been over three weeks since his last final and he was settled into his internship with the Austin American-Statesman and living in a new apartment. He talked to friends, hearing over and over again that time was 'flying by' for everyone.

 

He didn't feel the same way.

 

It had been nearly a month since he'd heard from Jensen. He'd left messages, even sent emails despite knowing that Jensen's relationship with his computer was rocky at best and their service was notoriously unreliable. Though he and Jensen had never been able to talk more than once or twice a week from the time difference alone, a month was difficult. J.D. told him not to worry. From the news they'd been able to find, the situation in Zimbabwe had gotten worse, but there had been no violence. It didn't stop Jared from worrying.

 

He'd been distracted at work all week. He liked his job, the Statesman preparing him for graduate school in the fall, but he came home every night more nervous than the day before. It was silly, Jared knew, but he couldn't help but pull out his pictures and letters from Jensen. He glanced through the letters; there weren't many, but each had the ability to make him both chuckle and choke up. Like his old apartment, he'd added photos of Jensen and him everywhere. True to his word, he'd sent duplicates of every picture to Jensen even though his boyfriend claimed the stick drawings were much more fun.

 

Finally, he pulled out the letter Jensen had given to him on their last day in the Harare Airport. Packaged with two Rustic Overtones CD's Jensen had copied for him, he'd waited to read the letter until he was on the plane. He was beyond crying as he'd read it - promises reiterated, memories recounted, and affections reassured. Jared had reread the letter many times in their time apart, but tonight it was the lyrics Jensen had added to the letter that caught his eye.

 

Jared had memorized them before the plane had even landed in Texas almost ten months ago. From one of Jensen's favorite songs, the lyrics of 'Slowly' always made him smile. He could hear the song in his head as he read.

 

' _The distance that distance can make_

_These voices keep talking away_

_I confess about this I'm not sane_

_But these edges don't seem quite as frayed._

_I swear that I knew you well_

_There were nights that I cried like hell_

_I never said a word but you could probably tell_

_The words you left out were the ones that I felt_

_That night I cried next to you..._

_I didn't mean to make you worry_

_What my disturbing conscience can do_

_From you, I withdrew, and I'm sorry_

_I'll live with this...but slowly._

_You have my favorite face_

_And my favorite smile_

_There is my favorite place_

_These are my favorite times._ '

 

It seemed like a sad song, but Jared could see the promise in it and why Jen liked it so much. He couldn't bring himself to actually listen to the CD - his emotional state would be shattered for the rest of the weekend - but he reread the entire letter before putting it back with the others.

 

Anyway, it wasn't really helping. There was a nostalgic comfort to reading but he didn't need that. The last ten months had been a different kind of comfort. He and Jensen could still talk for hours about anything, not just reliving their summer relationship. Jensen had remained Jared's boyfriend in all but the physical sense, though Jensen had said he'd be fine if Jared sought out help in that area. Jared never had, knowing Jensen didn't have that luxury. Talking, and ever more creative phone sex, worked just fine for him. Jensen was the best friend that he had needed throughout a stressful senior year. And that's what he desperately missed now.

 

Jared wondered what he'd say to Jensen if he did call, besides telling him how worried he'd been. J.D.'s reassurances meant little next to Jensen's. He figured his boyfriend would laugh and say he was fine, filling him in on everything the news services weren't reporting about Zimbabwe and Jared would soak it all up. Jensen would ask about graduation, demanding pictures, and his internship - all the things he'd missed in the last month.

 

Although, Jared started to think, that all seemed much too rational for his current emotional state. If Jensen did call it was much more likely that Jared would break down, needing more than an 'I'm all right,' from Jensen to put him back together.

 

Not that imagining any conversation with Jen was doing Jared any good. He'd never make it through the weekend sitting on his floor reminiscing. Putting the letters away he resolved to get some research done for his internship, working with one of the international correspondents. He briefly considered going out - some of his friends who were still reluctant to join the work force had invited him to a local concert - and he could have used the distraction. But he was sure he wouldn't be able to push Jensen to the back of his mind enough to be decent company.

 

Popping an Oasis CD into the stereo, he let the scratchy voices of the Gallagher brothers fill the room as he settled on the couch to work.

 

He never realized he'd fallen asleep until the shrill ringing of his phone startled him. It was completely dark out, a glance at the clock showing it was nearly two in the morning. Blearily, he picked up the handset shoved between the couch cushions. He'd kill his friends if they drunk dialed him after the concert.

 

"You'd better have a good reason for calling," he muttered into the receiver.

 

There was no answer for a moment, but Jared woke up fully as he heard the telltale static of a long distance call. A very long distance call.

 

" _Hey, Jay..._ "

~*~*~*~


	4. Just Keep Driving And The Road Will Never End

~*~*~*~

**EPILOGUE**

**May 25, 2000**

**Highway 10. Somewhere East of San Antonio, Texas**

 

"God, I _seriously_ hate road trips."

 

_Some things will never change_ , Jensen thought silently.

 

Jared sat next to him in the Jeep Cherokee Jensen had bought. He could mention that they'd only been on the road for a little over two hours, but there was no point. Jared would never like road trips, but he'd deal with them for Jensen's sake.

 

Failing to get a rise out of Jensen, Jared switched his focus to the CD player he'd had installed as a gift. The older man still usually deferred to Jared in music matters, and he didn't mind since their tastes ran similar.

 

Jensen was surprised at his boyfriend's selection, hearing the opening rifts of 'Feast or Famine'. In a rare switch, he'd introduced Jared to Rustic Overtones, an East Coast band he'd discovered in college. Jared leaned back, content to listen as Jensen sang softly along.

 

The two had left San Antonio that morning after visiting Jared's family. Jensen had insisted on the visit (‘my dad and I put you up for two months. Your family can handle two days, Jay,') despite Jared's whining that it would cut in to their vacation time. Now their road trip would take them to Florida to visit Mackenzie, stopping in New Orleans and Jacksonville, not to mention any beach that caught their fancy, on the way. It was a much needed vacation for both of them.

 

It had been a difficult year to say the least. Only in the last six months had their relationship finally settled down into some semblance of healthy. After Jared's college graduation they'd both endured nearly a year of frustration; long periods without talking, constant turmoil and changing atmospheres in Zimbabwe that Jared couldn't fully grasp, and finally the emotional and logistical struggle to get Jensen out of Africa.

 

A quick glance at Jared made Jensen smile. The window was rolled down, Jared's eyes closed. The highway breeze was fanning his still shaggy hair in every direction, giving him the appearance of a large dog just enjoying the ride.

 

For a long time, Jensen's pessimism had kept him from imagining a moment like this. Jared had never given up though, encouraging Jensen with every phone call and email, and that had been motivation enough for Jensen, throwing himself into helping his father and brother.

 

Jensen's eyes stayed on the road, but his mind traveled back to early 1999, an uneasy time for his family. Robert Mugabe's plans to reacquire farmland, though frightening, had stalled when more resistance was given than the country's president had expected. Alan, through his extensive network of contacts and friends, had kept on top of all news coming out of Harare while Jensen and Josh concentrated on managing that year's harvest, fortunately a very successful one despite the risk and turmoil.

 

By late May, rumors had reached them of invasions turned violent on farms closer to the country's central metropolis. Convinced that their farm wouldn't suffer the same fate while they owned it, Jensen had intensified his efforts, finally finding a way to legally sell their entire operation to a native friend of Alan's, knowing that the change in ownership could be enough to prevent the farm from being 'given' to one of Mugabe's political or military allies. Josh and Alan had decided to stay with the farm temporarily until they could leave. But Alan, unbeknownst to Jensen, had been working on his own plans, streamlining their operations, and talking to J.D..

 

In June, Alan told Jensen that he'd arranged for him to go back to the United States, J.D. offering his garage apartment. Initially Jensen had refused, intending to stay with his family, as he'd done for years, until they could all leave Zimbabwe together. Alan had told him that he and Josh were planning on staying in Africa, moving to Zambia to stay with a family they knew before restarting their operations there.

 

He'd been shocked, adamant that he wouldn't leave, until he'd spoken to Jared about everything his father and J.D. arranged. He could hear the excitement in Jared's voice even over the very long distance call, but Jared hadn't pressed, knowing Jensen would make his own decision. Bit by bit, Jensen had given in.

 

"Jen, you told me you'd find a way," Jared had said in mid-June. "But I know that you'd never leave unless everything was taken care of. I'm far away, and you won't believe me, but this is the best chance you have."

 

"How do you know?"

 

"Because J.D. keeps me too informed," he'd replied. "I know what your dad and brother have been doing. I know they're prepared, and I know that nothing would make your dad happier than finally seeing you happy."

 

Jensen had tried to argue, but he knew Jared was right. His father had never let the subject of Jared drop completely, sure about how Jensen and Jared felt about each other. In Texas, with J.D. and Jared, Jensen would finally have the chance to pursue the life he wanted.

 

"Not to mention what you'd be doing for me," Jared had added light-heartedly, but his tone turned more serious. "All those nights, Jen, this is what we stayed up talking about. You're going to second guess it, but this is what you need. Don't think about me; don't think about your family. I know you've lost so much, and stand to lose more if you stay in Zimbabwe much longer. It's time you won something, Jen, for yourself."

 

Jensen had been speechless even as Jared went on about how cheesy he could still be and that he wasn't totally above coming to Zimbabwe and kidnapping Jensen, but he knew in his heart that Jared was right. Doing his best not to question his own decision, and with the support of Josh and Alan, he'd spent his last few weeks in Zimbabwe packing and shipping his things, and teaching Josh the way he worked, hoping his older brother could keep things in order better than their father. Or at least be less messy.

 

More than two years after Jared had arrived in Africa, Jensen landed in Dallas, Texas on a rainy June day, Jared and J.D. waiting to meet him. Jensen hadn't known many reunions in his life, but this was by far the best, and from the look on Jared's face, he hadn't been alone in that regard.

 

Their first few weeks together were idyllic, the long separation and all that went with it disappearing for a while. Jensen couldn't even unpack his boxes at J.D.'s; Jared had no roommate in his Austin apartment and eagerly convinced Jensen to move in with him after only a week. His things took up the second bedroom, but Jared had dragged him into the master bedroom that first night, and he'd never really left. What was left of the summer was ideal. It had reminded Jensen of Jared's summer in Zimbabwe - just the two of them in a private existence for weeks. Jared had a job with the Austin newspaper but the rest of the time was largely theirs. Even the nights were spent in similar fashion, only it was Jensen who would pester Jared into setting work aside, joining him on the basketball court out back, and settling in for an evening of television, catching up, or the sex Jensen and Jared had long gone without. 

 

When Jared started his second year of graduate school at U.T., things began to change, their calm summer suddenly over. Jensen was bored, and with J.D.'s help, started looking for a job of his own. J.D. put him in touch with several people, and Jensen found he was being actively headhunted because of his extensive experience in Zimbabwe, but going back to the business of farming was not what he'd had in mind. Jared was busy - graduate school and his work at the Austin American-Statesman - and it put pressure on both of them, not really used to such 'mundane' forces on their relationship.

 

"We've suffered through two years, two continents and political upheaval," Jensen said one night after an argument in October. Jared had escaped to their bedroom, and Jensen stood quietly in the doorway, watching his boyfriend flop on the bed and do his best to hide amongst the pillows. "We need time to get used to this, Jay. I don't know how to be available when we both have stressful lives, and I've never had to deal with jealousy. You don't know how worn down I get because I miss you."

 

"M'not jealous," Jared had mumbled into the comforter. Jensen laughed.

 

"Not the point, seriously," he'd moved to sit on their bed, feeling Jared shift to make room. "I can't stay around here all the time. I had dreams when I graduated school, too, and I'm not going to settle for a job I don't want. The interviews and searching takes time, Jared, but it'll pay off, I promise. We'll get back to normal."

 

"Promise?"

 

Jared emerged from the comforter and wrapped himself around Jensen from behind, his head on Jensen's shoulder.

 

"Definitely."

 

"Good, cause I really hate this," Jared mumbled in his ear.

 

Jensen had leaned back, thankful that the argument seemed to have passed. "Think you can let me tell you about this job I might have found, then?"

 

Jared responded by pulling Jensen back with him to lay on the pile of pillows he'd created.

 

"Let's hear it."

 

Jensen ultimately found a job that fit him, surprising Jared with the fact that he not only had a business degree from Duke, but a minor in literature as well ('seriously, Jen, you never struck me as a book snob," Jared had remarked). J.D. had introduced Jensen to the owner of a small publishing company, based in Austin, which focused on local authors and books of local history and interest. Eventually, Jensen took a job as their business developer, his fresh approaches to business and novel ideas selling him to the owner.

 

Even with that portion of his life settled down, Jensen and Jared continued to have quiet fights and disagreements, but as during their separation, neither one ever gave up. Over the holidays, each with a small break from work and school, things finally started to improve. Realizing that their relationship in Zimbabwe would never transfer one hundred percent to Texas, they knew they'd have to work a little harder to make what they had here even better.

 

And it was.

 

The CD skipped as Jensen hit a pothole in the highway. Jared must have fallen asleep while Jensen strolled memory's lane, but he jolted awake when his boyfriend swore loudly.

 

"Paying attention, Jen?" He yawned, trying to stretch long limbs in the passenger seat. "Are we lost yet?"

 

"I don't think it's possible to get lost when you stay on the same highway for hundreds of miles," Jensen quipped. "But you could probably manage it."

 

"That's why you drive, and I navigate." Jared reached to adjust the stereo's volume, turning it higher to compete with the sounds of the road as he rolled the window further down.

 

"You're a horrible navigator."

 

"Exactly." Jared smiled. "I can't stand to drive, but you hate relying on me to read maps, so I don't actually have to do anything. It's perfect."

 

"Perfect, but you still hate road trips."

 

"Yeah, 'cause they're boring, Jen," Jared whined. "How about we spice the trip up a bit?"

 

"Spice it up how?"

 

Jared wiggled his eyebrows in a lame attempt at coyness.

 

"Oh hell no," Jensen turned back to the road. "Not in my car, Jay."

 

"Boring," he heard Jared drawl.

 

"Only from where you're sitting..." he mumbled.

 

"Huh?"

 

"Nothing."

 

A few minutes passed in relative quiet, Jared fidgeting with the large CD case to find new music. He popped in _Philadelphonic_ and Jensen groaned.

 

"Seriously?"

 

"Go with it."

 

Jensen was sure he'd 'gone with it' at least twenty times during this vacation alone, surprised the CD hadn't broken in half yet.

 

"So, which natural wonder of the world are we going to see on this trip?" At least Jared had turned the volume on the radio down a bit.

 

"I don't think Bourbon Street counts as a 'natural wonder', Jay." Jensen resisted the hopelessly romantic urge to say something about how just being on this trip, Jared beside him, after all their troubles was a wonder in itself. It was true, but Jensen figured they both inadvertently said enough cheesy things to each other - he didn't need to add to the list.

 

Besides, he knew without saying that Jared felt the exact same way.

 

"I can't wait to meet Mac," Jared was saying, "see an Ackles' sibling relationship in action."

 

"I hope she likes you, or I'm breaking up with you."

 

"You're hilarious," he responded sarcastically. "But even if she hates me, you're stuck with me."

 

"I'd be stuck with you because I have no where else to live."

 

Jared laughed.

 

"You'd be stuck with me 'cause you love me."

 

And Jensen did.

 

He had for years now and no matter what lay ahead for them, that wouldn't change. He glanced over at Jared who'd stopped laughing, but was smiling at Jensen with the same gorgeous grin that had captured his attention the first day they'd met. Probably knowing exactly what Jensen was thinking, Jared reached over and slid his hand into Jensen's.

 

They had miles of open highway before them, years of struggle behind them. Jensen suddenly felt like he'd been waiting his entire life for this moment. Now that he was here, he knew that what came next would be even better.

 

He squeezed Jared's hand, and kept driving.

 

 

 

FIN.

~*~*~*~

Thanks to the lovely ladies at J2AU for hosting the challenge. To Becky, for solving Zimbabwean Crises. To my college papers - I'm glad I saved you all! To Malory, for dealing with freak outs.

 

I wanted to write a college!au story, complete with Acapella!Jensen and thoroughly annoyed!Jared. This is NOT that story.

 

This fic had no beta, only my rusty skills as an editor. All mistakes are mine, but if you'd like to blame someone else for them, I have no beef with that.

 

This fic is not meant as a commentary or historical record of the events in Zimbabwe over the last decade. I didn't go nearly into as much detail as I could have, deciding that it really took away from the story. Enough is there to show that it was in fact a dire situation in the late 90's and early 00's, and if you keep up with current news, the situation is far from resolved. Most white, farming families left the region due to violence and coercion, fleeing to South Africa or Zambia, but life is nowhere near peachy for anyone there now. Inflation has ravaged the country, and the political system is as corrupt as can be imagined, as current news reflects.

 

Feedback is welcome, this is actually my first J2 story, and I can understand if it's a bit rough. I have never written RPS is any form before...but I loved the idea for this story, and the challenge gave me a perfect excuse.

~*~*~*~


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